


pink gin

by babelincoln



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not Idols, F/F, Jennie doesn’t reciprocate, One-Sided Attraction, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-27 02:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20752844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babelincoln/pseuds/babelincoln
Summary: “i don’t mean to ruin your day.” lisa whispers, throat ragged from crying and brain still fuzzy from the alcohol.“so don’t.” jennie whispers back, although her tone is a lot softer than how the words may sound. she tucks a strand of hair behind lisa’s ear and runs a gentle hand up her back, and lisa feels awful that even after all the trouble she’s caused, jennie is still choosing to be here, comforting lisa and being a much better friend than she deserves. “we can wipe tonight. but please tell me you’ll come tomorrow. you’re my best friend in the whole world, and i don’t want to get married unless you’re there.”what a horrible conflict of interests.





	pink gin

sometimes, when lisa remembers that her best friend is getting married, she’s filled to the brim with excitement, so much so that she thinks she may explode. she throws herself into assisting with the planning, picking out flowers and appetisers and centrepieces, helping search for the perfect dress. sometimes she’s right there by jennie’s side, ready to help make this the most perfect day of her life. sometimes. sometimes she’s content to watch jennie live out her happily ever after, eager to see her achieve that, no matter the personal cost on lisa’s part. all that is only sometimes, though.

truth be told, it’s just a distraction. because yeah, sometimes she’s genuinely happy, but most of the time, thinking about jennie kim joining in holy matrimony with someone else makes her feel like her heart’s been torn from her chest and ground into stardust right before her eyes. 

her unction as maid of honour should have been the greatest blessing. that’s what girls like lisa and jennie, with rich families and perfect smiles and perfect men on their arms, are told. it didn’t feel like a blessing. it felt like she’d been thrown into a saltwater shower after barely surviving death by a thousand cuts. lisa did not want to help prepare jennie to be given away to her perfect piece of arm candy.

maybe she’ll never say it aloud, but all lisa wants, and all she has ever wanted since they first met each other in their first year of junior high, years and years ago, was to be able to love jennie and to feel how jennie would love her back. 

she can be forgiven then, for staying home tonight. she can be forgiven for finishing off her fifth glass of pink gin. and she can fucking be forgiven for pouring herslef a sixth. maybe less forgivable is the twenty-something messages going ignored on her lock-screen. the phone lights up on her dining room table as she pours her drink. one from jennie. another from rosé. a third from jisoo. lisa gulps down half her drink in one go.

jennie would be getting married  _ tomorrow _ , although lisa had been spending the entire day telling herself not to think about that- which, yes, means that she spent the entire day thinking about it. lisa is expected to be right there behind her. more pressingly, right now she’s expected to be with jennie, and rosé and jisoo, drinking prosecco in jennie’s living room and giggling and getting one another excited for tomorrow. one last girly night with the four of them for god knows how long. 

lisa can’t face that. it’s too finite. the sun will rise and everything will change forever. she’ll lose jennie forever.

it hadn’t been so bad when jennie had first started dating jongin. she’d met him in their final year of university, and they were both so busy with classes that they rarely seemed to be together. honestly, lisa has thought it was simply a relationship of circumstance. she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t surprised when they stayed together after graduation. but even then; it’s not as if jennie was exactly taking jongin out for lunch with her to meet the girls. for the past four years, jongin had had been a huge part of jennie’s life, but a very distant extension of lisa’s. easy enough to ignore, and whenever he was present, lisa usually tried to make sure she had a drink in her hand. jennie had once drunkenly asked lisa why she hated jongin, and lisa felt guilty for making it so obvious and for making her best friend worry, but she’s a shy person by nature, and so she had managed to pass it off for a while as just being a little awkward around him. eventually, she thinks jennie stopped falling for that. but if she did, she didn’t say so out loud.

the girls have stopped texting her, and lisa looks at her phone to see that the time has struck zero zero zero zero. it’s officially jennie kim’s wedding day, and lisa isn’t by her side. she finishes off her glass whilst she ponders if she’d be best not showing up to the wedding at all. underneath the time which taunts her is a final parting message from jennie.

‘i’m not mad, but this isn’t like you. it’s okay if you can’t make it, but please just let me know you’re okay.’ 

lisa reads the message once and then twice and somewhere around sixteen she feels her eyes sting and throws her phone across the room. this might be the worst of it all; that even if lisa could stay away, run out of jennie’s life and abandon her completely, jennie wouldn’t get mad. even if lisa could somehow muster up the strength to remove herself, jennie would never let her stay gone. it’s not fair. it’s not fair that jennie gets to be happy or that jongin gets to catalyse that. 

lisa pours herself a seventh drink and picks it up by the rim, acrylic nails rattling against the glass, as she falls back against the couch. this one is gone in one, and she lays on her back and drops the glass against the carpeted floor. it lands with a soft little thud, not nearly enough to shatter. 

the cruelest part is that the world had once, very fleetingly, allowed lisa to believe she had won. 

one night, when they were nineteen and under the influence of  _ something.  _ lisa remembers it all so clearly. the mix of their lipsticks, jennie’s red kissing patterns across lisa’s chest, down her abdomen and across her thighs. little heart shaped pins on the map of lisa’s body. the feeling of jennie’s sweet breath between her legs, her silky hair tangled in lisa’s fingers, and her little smile as she’s told she’s doing well. lisa had held jennie tightly in her arms and rocked her to sleep, and dreamed of the life they would finally get to have together. 

jennie had woken up the next morning and laughed, face flushed and embarrassed. ‘it’s normal for friends to mess around sometimes, right?’ she had said, throwing her hair over her shoulder and slipping daggers into lisa’s heart. ‘besides, neither of us are gay. right?’ lisa just complained of her hangover and rolled over to go back to sleep. when jennie’s ride home arrived, lisa sobbed until she threw up. 

lisa’s eyes close, mostly just to curb the threat of tears that were prickling at the corners of her eyes. she wasn’t going to lay her and shed more tears over this, it was too late for that. somewhere along the lines, she feels herself drift off to sleep and she does not fight it. and if she happens to wake up late tomorrow and miss the wedding, then so be it. she clumsily thinks to herself that if she sleeps forever that may not be so bad.

forever only lasts a couple of hours, though, because she’s stirred a matter of hours later to a knock on her door. not a knock, in fact, but a pounding, and she does not remember that she’s been drinking until she stands and the room around her wobbles and shakes. unsteadily, lisa makes her way to the door, and she pulls it open, she’s greeted by the frowning foxlike face of jennie kim.

“lisa, what the  _ hell? _ ” she demands immediately, waiting not to be invited inside, pushing her way into the hallway. she’s got a big puffy jacket over her pyjamas, and her hair is pulled up into a sloppy knot on top of her head. her cherub face is devoid of its usual makeup, completely bare besides a little bit of dried facemask on the point of her jaw. 

“it’s you.” lisa says dumbly, lips parting in strange surprise. 

“no fucking shit, it’s me.” jennie stares at her, dumbfounded. “that’s all you have to say?”

“i- i dunno.” lisa sounds like a child in trouble at school, but if the slur of her words didn’t make it startlingly obvious that she was drunk, the little sway to the left rings every last alarm. jennie stares her down with a confused, wounded expression.

“you’re drunk?” jennie asks, stepping out of her puma slides and peering into the living room doorway. “is someone here?”

“no.” lisa shakes her head. she wrings her hands. this is hell. jennie was the last person she wanted to see right now. she didn’t want to have to be face to face with her, forced to remember how gorgeous she was even when she was making absolutely no effort to try. jennie’s head snaps back around, brows furrowed.

“you blew me off the night before my wedding to sit at home drinking alone?” jennie asks, and the words slap lisa across the face. something about having her own bad behaviour relayed to her hammers home how fucked up it is. “why, lisa? please, just tell me what i did wrong. why are you mad at me?”

the heartbroken earnest with which jennie stares at her is the final blow and its total knockout. the emotions surface and lisa lets out one shaky sob before she crumbles into tears, crouching at the knee and burying her face in her hands as she sobs, loudly and unfiltered. she feels a thin pair of arms wrap around her in a millisecond, jennie running fingers through her hair and hushing here, ‘oh, lisa’ after ‘oh, lisa’ spilling from her lips as she tries to soothe her. but lisa cannot be soothed, trembling as her hands grip onto jennie’s as if she’s clinging on to dear life and in some ways, she thinks she just might be. 

eventually, as lisa begins to calm down and her sobs space themselves a lot further apart, she looks up from her hands and is met with jennie’s anxious eyes, and she’s stared at with the most loving concern she thinks she’s ever received, and it’s so much worse that jennie genuinely does love her, as much as she can in the only way she’s able. because lisa would love to be able to get mad or to point blame, but none of this is jennie’s fault. lisa sighs.

“i don’t mean to ruin your day.” lisa whispers, throat ragged from crying and brain still fuzzy from the alcohol.

“so don’t.” jennie whispers back, although her tone is a lot softer than how the words may sound. she tucks a strand of hair behind lisa’s ear and runs a gentle hand up her back, and lisa feels awful that even after all the trouble she’s caused, jennie is still choosing to be here, comforting lisa and being a much better friend than she deserves. “we can wipe tonight. but please tell me you’ll come tomorrow. you’re my best friend in the whole world, and i don’t want to get married unless you’re there.” 

what a horrible conflict of interests.

lisa holds jennie in silence for a little while, both of them crouched on the floor of her hallway, front door still slightly ajar. lisa knows she’s going to have to man up and get over this, whether she wants to or not, and in a strange moment of clarity, she guesses she realises that she doesn’t have to push jennie away in the process, no matter how painful it’ll be to watch jennie and jongin start a life together. lisa will never truly get to start her own if she doesn’t move forward. she doesn’t know where she finds the strength, but she nods her head.

“i’ll be there.” she says, linking her fingers between jennie’s, who squeezes her hand back. “promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry I need to stop writing sad shit like damn. I honestly roll my eyes all the time at the im in love with my straight best friend storyline so I don’t know why I randomly felt compelled to tackle it but here’s my contribution to that genre,, I would promise that the next thing I write will be happy but we all know that’ll likely be a lie


End file.
